A non-fan remembers MJ

1996 Paranaque

I would never forget that day. We were there at around 3 pm under the scorching heat of the afternoon sun. There were no chairs to sit on just heaps upon heaps of people patiently waiting just like us.

It was the first day of the two-day concert tour of MJ's – HIStory. I was never really a fan of MJ. I was just there to witness the hi-tech concert. Though I wasn't really forced to watch it, it was more out of curiosity on my part and the 3k ticket was free, so what the heck! It's one of those things you do once in a lifetime anyways.

3 pm turned to 6 pm I was getting impatient not to mention tired. I said to myself “it’s okay, it’s MJ and its not everyday you would see the king of pop perform live, even if you’re not a fan."

6 pm turned to 9 pm, my legs were just about to give out. Then the organizers of the concert announced that there was a slight delay, and the concert will be underway in 30 minutes. "What slight delay? Nyeta! Namamaga na hinlalaki ko!" I said to myself.

And then just like that, the concert started. There was a countdown on the wide screen. Then I heard a female voice (like the ones you hear in airports) announcing the ETA of the starship that MJ was piloting. On the big screen you see the solar system and MJ’s starship cruising through all the planets until it reaches Earth. The countdown ends 3..2..1…. From beneath the stage the Starship bursts forth accompanied by smoke and hi-tech lighting. Everybody held their breaths until the starship revealed its passenger. The starship finally opened and MJ was there standing still with his signature pose. The crowd roared with delight. I myself (a non-fan) was a little awed by it too. "Galing hi-tech!"

It was a visual delight seconded only by MJ himself (I was just there for the hi-tech show remember?). The show lasted for two hours with MJ singing or lip-synching his famous hits. And then the show ended with fireworks of course.

After the concert, I remember how incredibly hard it was for us to go home, because there were about 50 thousand of us who were doing exactly the same thing.

Cubao 2009

Thirteen years after that grand concert, I was really saddened when I heard the news that he is gone. As an 80’s kid MJ was part of my growing up years and I thought that he would just be there forever. I remember seeing Moonwalker and Captain EO in Alimall, both short films were the opening features before the full-length movie begins. I remember singing “Thriller”(eew) and “Man in the Mirror” and I remember “Say Say Say”(a duet with Paul Mcartney), probably because of Ate Lud’s “Eye to Eye” (a showbiz talk show back in the 80’s). His incredible dance moves like the gravity defying lean in the “Smooth Criminal” video. And who would ever forget his savvy Pepsi commercials and his scandals?

Why do I remember all these things about MJ even though I’m not a fan? Probably because MJ was not just another celebrity, but he was an icon, and even in death his popularity will live on. He truly was not only the King of Pop, but one of the royals of pop culture as well. He becomes another Marilyn Monroe. All hail to you MJ! Thank you for the music. May you rest in peace. But I’m sorry MJ, I’m still not a fan.



Here comes the dating blues

Cubaoboy always falls into this trap. You see whenever he dates someone, and the date really turns out well, he becomes clueless on what to do next. It’s just hard for him to guess what comes after a great date.

As of the moment cubaoboy thinks that his date really likes him, hence the second date right? But how much his date likes him? He has no idea.

Cubaoboy is asking himself how to properly handle his date. He thought if only there is an etiquette book regarding male-to-male dating it would surely answer some of his questions like:

Is it okay for him to send text messages to his date often? Or should he wait for his date to text him first?

Is it ok to ask his dates’ agenda for the day? Or is it too FC (feeling close)?

Is it ok to ask where his date lives? Or is it too stalker-ish?

Is it ok to talk about compromises already even if they’re not officially a couple yet? Or is it too forward?

Is it ok to be exclusive and expect his date to be exclusive as well? Or is it too assuming?

Is it ok to buy his date gifts? Or is it too ADP (azucarera de papa)?

And finally when is it ok to tell his date that he has fallen in love with him and that they should be a couple already? Or would it just scare his date away?

Currently cubaoboy is just playing it by ear and he is not even sure if his ear is giving him the right tune. Or is he just being paranoid?

Or is he even making any sense?


Paghahambing ng mga nakagawian ko noong bata ako at ngayong 30 something na ko.


Nung bata pa ako, nung wala pa akong alam sa kamunduhan. Pag nakaka kita ako ng dalawang taong nag hahalikan, sa tv man o yung kapatid kong dalaga noong mag bf pa lang sila ng asawa nya. Sabi ko paano kung di nag brush ng teeth yung isa dun? Parang kadirs yata.


Minsan kahit bagong gising nyeta halik agad sa partner.


Naalala ko pa noon pag hapon na, tapos Sabado, tatawagin na kami ng nanay ko para matulog. Diba pag Sabado tas walang school ang sarap mag laro o kaya mag babad sa tv? Kaya ang sama ng loob ko sa nanay ko pag pinatutulog na ko sa hapon. Pero syempre pag kagising ko naka handa na yung merienda ko.


Matutulog ako hanggat gusto ko. Lalo na pag sabado!


Pag sinabing mag sisimba kasi Linggo. Naalala ko excited ako kasi maisusuot ko nanaman yung paborito kong shoes. Tapos after ng Mass, direcho shopping at kain sa labas.


Daming excuse. Kesho may work na kailangan tapusin or masama yung pakiramdam or just plain tinatamad mag simba.


Sa school, pag may pinapagawang assignment o project yung teacher namen, takbo agad ako sa ate ko o sa kuya ko para mag patulong sa assignment o kaya sa tatay ko kung medyo mahirap yung project.


Kelangan kong habulin yung deadline ko sa office. Kahit bente kwatro oras na akong gising. Patay na kung patay basta ma i-submit ko lang report ko.


Nung bata pa ako maarte ako sa pang bahay na damit, ayaw ko ng na papawisan kahit medyo basa lang ng konte yung t-shirt ko, palit agad sabay tambak sa labahan ng nanay ko yung hinubad ko.


Kung pwedeng lagi nalang akong naka hubad para wala na akong masyadong lalabhan gagawin ko.


Noon pag may crush ako sa school man o sa isang kalaro. Grabe tameme ako. Super tsope ako noong araw.


Leche ganon pa din ako. Walang pag babago!


Noon pag inaaway ako ng mga kalaro ko o ng mga kapatid ko. Sorry lang yung katapat noon, tapos ayus nanaman. Parang walang nangyari.


Minsan taon na muna ang bibilangin bago kami mag usap ulet.


Kapag may problema sa bahay. Malalaman ko nalang pag tapos na ito at na solve na ng mga magulang ko yung problema. Minsan nga di ko na malalaman na nag ka problema pala.


Nasa gitna lagi ako ng mga problema. Madalas ako pa ang toka na humanap ng solusyon.

Masarap siguro maging bata ulet. Pero hindi naman nawawala ang pagiging bata sa puso ko.
Paminsan minsan kailangan ko lang mag isip ng parang isang bata para maalala ko na minsan ganon lang pala kasimple ang buhay.


The Big date Update

Cubaoboy is ecstatic because he spent another wonderful night with the "date". This time they went to two different bars and Cubaoboy totally enjoyed every single moment of it. Despite the "date" being a little tired(cubaoboys' date came from work and picked cubaoboy up at his house, which cubaoboy finds really sweet btw.)

To cap the night off(which was 4:30am) they shared another soul shaking kiss, and then saw him off. Lying on his bed cubaoboy called him up to check on him if he was safely home, and he was, but instead of a short check up call, it lasted for almost an hour because the "date" didn't want to let go of the line(cubaoboy was happy to endulge him).

It was only when cubaoboy heard him yawn that he decided that it was time for him to sleep, he protested but cubaoboy said he really needed to rest and reassured the "date" that they will see each other soon. The "date" agreed and he uttered "I miss you, see you soon" to cubaoboy. Cubaoboys' heart again melted.

Cubaoboy slept with a grin on his face that fine morning...


The big date

9:30 PM somewhere in Araneta Center

Cubaoboy was sitting in a coffeeshop waiting patiently for his date. Earlier cubaoboy and his date agreed that they’d meet at around 10 PM, but his date said he’s already on his way so cubaoboy hurried to the meeting place.

Cubaoboy was enjoying the free wifi connection of araneta center, checking up on his blog. Then his phone rang and he saw that it was his date calling him. He nervously answered the phone.

Cubaoboy: “hello?”
Date: “I’m here na bro, im just parking my car.”
Cubaoboy: “uh… ok…?”

Cubaoboy stammered. The voice was sexy as hell, like hot fudge on vanilla ice cream (yummy)

Then he came to cubaoboys’ view, all six feet of his gorgeousness. God he really is gorgeous.

Cubaoboy stood up to greet his date, walked towards his date, almost missing a step or 2. They exchanged pleasantries and cubaoboy was led by his date to his parked car. Inside the car there was a few seconds of awkward silence, cubaoboy gave his date a measured side glance and relialized his date was looking at him flashing his megawatt smile. Cubaoboys’ heart skipped a beat. Then he spoke. “san tyo bro?”

Cubaoboy had no idea where to go, fortunately his date knows of a cozy place somewhere in Gilmore where they could chat and have a few rounds of beer.

The few rounds were actually two buckets and a few more bottles of beer (already feat for cubaoboy who can only down 2 to 3 bottles of beer in any occasion). Cubaoboy was totally enjoying the company and he hoped his date was enjoying it too. They talked about everything from former relationships to photography, to movies and tv series, to artists and actors, to music and the arts, they both were having a really good time.

Cubaoboy didn’t want the night to end (well it was actually almost 5am) but it really had to end sometime. Cubaoboys’ date paid for everything, to cubaoboys protestations of course. But his date said “its ok, its on me. You pay for our next date.”

Cubaoboy was about to protest again but then he stopped. Next date! There’s a next date? Cubaoboy said to himself. Wooooohaaaaaaaa! There’s a next date. He was so ecstatic he almost jumped for joy.

They were walking back to his dates’ car when they saw this vagrant taking a bath on the sidewalk. They both went inside the car but his date went out again went to the back trunk of the car pulled out a shirt and gave it to the vagrant. Wow! Cubaoboy again said to himself. His date went back inside the car looked at cubaoboy and smiled.

Cubaoboy couldn’t help himself, even if probably a mob of flesh seeking zombies is on his tail. Time stood still, cubaoboy grabbed his date by the nape and gave him one of the sweetest kisses he ever gave to anyone. His date responded with such ardor that it filled cubaoboys’ heart with such joy.

His date drove him home while they were holding each other’s hands (how he drove while holding cubaoboys hands? Cubaoboy couldn’t care less. What he knows is it felt good.). Sadly they had go home, but before They parted they shared another kiss, un mindful of the passing headlights of the other cars, like they were in their own little world.

Cubaoboy said thank you to his date and went out of the car and saw him drove away.

Cubaoboy was still reeling with excitement he didn’t even feel the 7 bottles of beer he downed. While he was in his room, his phone rang. It was his date….

What did they talk about? That folks is none of your business! lol


New leaf

Enough of the sappy story. Next post will be about my quest to find the "one". Stay tuned folks if your still interested. I'll go back to the dating scene...starting tonight. Wish me luck!


Last part: the day i find love once again

5:16 PM by Cubaoboy 4 comments
Everything went back to normal (or that’s what cubaoboy wanted his friends to believe). So every time the friends’ meet up he had to put on this fa├žade that everything is really fine and dandy, but deep inside, cubaoboy was struggling with his feelings. He wanted to shake “someone” and say I’m here and I love you! Dang it! But no, some things are better left unsaid.

Days passed…

Sometimes no matter how hard you try to hide it, the truth will always find a way to let it self be known (specially when there’s redhorse to help it)….

In an out of town trip;

Cubaoboy was tipsy and “someone” was a little hammered. They were the only people awake that night and then one thing led to another and they found themselves in bed together. Cubaoboy was in the verge of extacy. Imagine being in the arms of the one you adore. Infact he was so happy he said the 3 words he promised he would never utter to anybody again. He said, “I love you”.

Cubaoboy threw caution to the wind. He didn’t think twice before saying those words. He didn’t think he might lose a friend, he didn’t think what “someone” would say to him after, he didn’t think what kind of hurt it would give him if “someone” didn’t meet him halfway. He didn’t think. He didn’t think because he was freely giving his heart away expecting nothing in return.

After Cubaoboy said those words. There was silence (you can hear the crickets, the humming of the a/c, the snores of people in the other room and cubaoboys’ racing heartbeat). And then “someone” said “bakit ako?” and Cubaoboy answered “hindi ko alam, basta bigla nalang naging ikaw.” And then he said, “let’s just enjoy what we have right now.”

Cubaoboy would have laughed out load if it weren’t for his breaking heart. OMG! He thought, those were the same words he used way back when, and how ironic that it was uttered to him too (karma). Cubaoboy never answered back, but he gave the most passionate kiss he could ever give to his “someone” knowing that it would be the very last kiss he’d ever share with him. Then “someone” fell asleep. Cubaoboy slowly slipped out of bed kissed “someone” on nose, went out of the room and closed the door behind him.

Aside from the trip back home, it was the last time Cubaoboy ever saw his “someone”. The funny thing about it was cubaoboy never felt any anger or bitterness about everything. He guesses it’s how it is supposed to be when you love someone, enough to let him or her go.

Cubaoboy realizes that it felt great to love and it would probably be magical if you were loved return. Cubaoboy is grateful for the experience because it made him realize that loving doesn’t mean getting hurt but it means you can feel.

Cubaoboy is looking forward for that day, when he finds love once again…


Part 4: The day I find love once again

3:07 PM by Cubaoboy 0 comments
Cubaoboy frantically tried to find a solution to his dilemma. He absolutely refuses to give in to his feelings. He thought the best solution is to hide. He made excuses whenever his 3 friends invited him out, and he was successful. But deep in his heart, he misses them…. he misses “someone”.

Weeks passed…

Cubaoboy was miserable but he was ok with it as long as nobody knows what he feels for “someone”. Cubaoboy thought, by not entertaining this love it would die a natural death. But he was dead wrong.

Every day that passes, the feeling grew stronger and stronger and he became more miserable. It didn’t help when he’d get some info about “someone”. That “someone” was dating another, and that “someone” went to bed with someone. The thing that Cubaoboy tried very hard to avoid had happened again. He had given another person the power to hurt him (unknowingly on “someone’s” part though).

More weeks passed…

Cubaoboy though strong willed is still human after all. Out of his misery from missing his friends and his “someone”. He decided to show up again so he could have his fill at seeing and being with his “someone”. He made a promise to himself that he’s just going to love “someone” from afar and never in any circumstance reveal what he felt.


Part 3: The day I find love once again

12:23 PM by Cubaoboy 0 comments
Cubaoboy totally enjoyed the lifestyle he had chosen for himself while successfully keeping his big secret to his family and friends. To top it all off he’s also doing a good job not falling in-love.

Days…. months…years had passed.

Then he met three people in a PLU online site (He was a big star on that site during its hay days) that would eventually change his mind about love.

Yes folks. One of those 3 people is the “someone”.

Cubaoboy and the 3 others became fast friends and were constantly together, especially during the weekends. They would plan weekend road trips and they enjoy dinners in the different restaurants in the metro. Everything was fine and dandy until Cubaoboy realized something.

He had fallen crazily in love with the “someone”.

Cubaoboy didn’t know what hit him and was completely clueless on how this “someone” completely destroyed his defenses.

Cubaoboy thought this couldn’t be. He had sworn not to fall in-love again, not to take chances on love again, not to get hurt again, not to ever give a part of himself to anyone again.


Part 2: The day I find love once again

When Cubaoboy turned 27. He discovered something wonderful about himself, that he was sexually attracted to the same sex as well. Finding out this new thing about his sexuality, Cubaoboy went to work, he enrolled in a gym and pumped iron until he achieves a semblance of a so-called sexy physique to get rid of his insecurities. Then he dated, bed hopped, played around between the sexes but still he avoided falling in love. There were people he went to bed with that professed their love for Cubaoboy, he would always tell them “Thank you..but let’s just enjoy what we have right now.” And then Cubaoboy would hightail to the nearest exit and not show his face to that person ever again. He promised himself never to utter those words again to another person (except with family members of course).

He gave a handful of people their share of heartaches and Cubaoboy admits that he’s not proud of that.


Part 1: The day I find love once again

7:01 AM by Cubaoboy 7 comments
Friends kept prodding Cubaoboy to write a blog and he would always tell them “Anuba! I don’t know the first thing about writing…heck I don’t even know my punctuations!”

And when your friends are very good writers (one is a well known blogger who has several followers in the blog world, and the other one was a lit professor in Ateneo) you would have second thoughts of expressing your thoughts through writing as well.

So what convinced Cubaoboy to write a blog? Well, probably recent events in his life that proved to be his “light bulb moment”. Plus his friends promised that they’d be easy on him.

Here goes nothing!

What was that light bulb moment of Cubaoboy?

Here’s the thing that switched it on.

Cubaoboy fell madly and completely in-love with someone, and this someone (we’ll just call this person “someone” ok?) didn’t actually feel the same way about poor Cubaoboy.

You want details?

Before Cubaoboy gives you the gruesome details folks. Let’s go back to Cubaoboy’s not so distant past.

You see when Cubaoboy was a little younger he was really insecure about his looks and he would always shy away from other people (He was a little too chubby back then). When Cubaoboy turned 21 he met a pretty and petite girl who became his best friend. Their friendship turned to love and the pretty and petite girl eventually became the mom of Cubaoboy’s daughter. Their relationship was smooth sailing (or so Cubaoboy thought) for 3 years until the pretty and petite girl decided it wasn’t really working out and she decided to end it.
Cubaoboy’s pretty and petite girl since then remarried and moved to the states with Cubaoboy’s daughter.

Don’t you worry folks Cubaoboy and his pretty petite girl (not anymore though. She gained a few pounds. A few hundred that is) remained good friends despite it all and he sees his daughter every year.

Cubaoboy tried to move on and had several failed attempts to get into relationships. But all he had really gotten out of those failed attempts were cracks to his already heavily taped up and glued together heart. His last attempt took him a year or so to fully recover from. These events changed Cubaoboy’s rosy outlook about love. Thus Cubaoboy swore never to commit the mistake of falling in love ever again.



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